Dear Husband,

Do not wake me in the middle of the night to ask me “What was that?”.  If there WAS something, I would only be useful for crying and hiding behind something.  On nights when I have parent conferences late into the evening the next night, waking me up in the middle of the night will only make me grumpy.  Don't wake me.  Besides, what do you expect *me* to do if you really *did* hear something??  Next time it should go like this: 

Me:  (groggy)  Mmmm….Did you hear something?
You:  Yeah, it was an intruder.  I shot him.  Go back to sleep.

or 

Me:  (groggy) Mmmmm….Did you hear something?
You:  Yeah.  A gunshot.  Go back to sleep.

or even better: 

Me:  (groggy)  Mmmm….Did you hear something?
You:  No.  Go back to sleep. 

 

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