A Fresh Start (Part I ?)

Today was a really good day. Its a good day to reflect on the past year. A good time to think about whats ahead. A New Year. A fresh start.

For years my Year always began with some drunken version of ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’. On a large scale I’ve always been able to keep things in perspective. On a small scale, my world comes to an end every time my shoe lace breaks. Go figure.

When The Boy was born we didn’t know what the hell we were doing. We had few people to turn to for advice and even fewer to turn to for a bona-fide break. I remember there were plenty of times I wanted to make deals with the gypsies. Yet we marveled at everything he did. I tried my best to enjoy every moment – knowing how fleeting those days were.

Now The Boy is a Raging Toddler and Boy 2 has come into our lives. We still don’t know what the hell we are doing. I notice a marked difference in the way that I interact with The Boy and Boy 2. At 3 ½ months everything Boy 2 (henceforth known as The Baby) does is adorable and brilliant. Everything The Boy does? Loud, offensive, annoying and impossible. Why? Why do I short-change The Boy so easily? Why don’t I enjoy him the way that I enjoy the antics of The Baby? “Because The Baby doesn’t know any better” I might say. But does my toddler know any better? The baby is experimenting, he doesn’t cry to be annoying – he cries to communicate. Why do I forget so easily that my toddler is doing the same? I have patience with the baby that I don’t have with my toddler. One reason, I know, is that I view the toddler’s behavior as deliberate. And bear with me, here – he means to do something naughty – but not with a naughty intent. He might be experimenting or need my guidance or trying to get my attention or truly trying to get my goat. But he’s not being malicious. And that’s what I struggle to keep in mind. My baby is someone to cuddle, enjoy and love. My toddler has been an adversary.

One wish for the New Year – for the Rest of Our Lives: more patience with my children. Enjoying them more. Teaching them every moment and loving them instead of just trying to survive until naptime/bedtime. Its my responsibility to guide them. Its my privilege to love them and adore them. And, it was said to me, if I’m not doing any of those things its not their fault. Its mine.

I’m just getting the hang of it and I realize that as my children grow I will always be “just” getting the hang of it. And I’m okay with that for now.

I have plenty of other stuff I want to work on but I think that’s it for tonight….off to crochet/read a book/vegetate in the 10 minutes before the baby wakes up!

Tags: new year's resolutions