Archive for December, 2011

How Do You Scold A Playdoh Fish During the Holidays

December 17, 2011

“Now you stay right there or there won’t be any swimming for Christmas!”

Dude. That’s harsh.

I Think I’ve Got It

December 4, 2011

Do you know why parents label their kids?

To be sure  – its because humans like lists.  Its because it makes it easier for parents to brag.  Its definitely because we like to categorize things, including our children.

But I think in some small part its also because we want to appear as though we know our children.

I joke that one child is the artist and the other child is the musician.   And its true, in part.

But recently someone asked me what my kids were ‘into’ and for a moment I just gave her a blank stare.  What are my kids ‘into’?  Nothing!  They’re not ‘into’ anything!  Nothing stands out any more than anything else.

And a moment after that I thought my head was going to explode.  They’re ‘into’ EVERYTHING!  Name something they don’t like!  If its completely new to them they’ll be ‘into’ that, too!  What they were ‘into’ yesterday – what they were ‘into’ last week – what they were ‘into’ last month, declared their boredom with, and are now ‘into’ again…

A few weeks ago a relative noticed how much one of them really likes to draw…and now we have a ridiculous amount of things to draw with…ridiculous…really…but I think I just changed the subject…

It occurred to me, when that woman asked what my kids were ‘into’ – and I couldn’t answer right away – that maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention to my kids.  That maybe I was a bad mom for not knowing my kid was the artist, or that he liked Blue’s Clues, or that he dug the movie Cars, or that he loved to play with bugs, or that he liked to play in water, or that he likes to build with blocks, or that he loves to dress up, or that he….

…my kids like a lot of stuff.  And that’s real neat.

But its still easy to label them – it sure sounds good, don’t it?

Dear Adults-

December 4, 2011

This has to be in list form – my children are revolting.  Well – you know what I mean…

1. While I don’t believe that my children should be shielded from every germ – I don’t think I want to expose them to typhoid every time we go out.  Is that what whooping cough sounds like?  At least cough into your shoulder.  Sheesh.

2.  See the sign that says this section is only for children under 3 years old?  See the other sign that says that?  Now see the five paper signs that were put up because people weren’t reading the other signs?  How about the sign that says ‘take off your shoes’?  Or ‘socks only’?  Or the children who are really short and shoeless?  Now look at your 9 year old, extraordinarily big boned, shoed children and figure out why everyone is giving you the stink eye The only thing that’s saving you is your children are not overly annoying – just normal children – which is bad enough, I’d say.

3.  Is this your older kid that pushed my little Little out of the way of the exhibit…again?  No, no – don’t let me interrupt your conversation.  We’ll handle it….again.

4.  You’re standing in our way.  Unless we’re invisible today.  Do you have children of your own?  Mine only get noisier.

5.  Seriously.  Move.

To be continued, I’m sure…