So what else IS there?

September 13, 2009

I posted a blurb that I wouldn’t complain about stuff or talk about my son here – my two favorite things to do.  I thought I would keep it to funny stories about the kids I worked with and/or some writing I had done.  Then I had a tedious year at work and am currently not working.  So what’s to write about?

I’m sure I’ll find something but I might have to go back on my word…


Cheaper Than Therapy

February 21, 2009

1.  I took the 25 things list entirely too seriously.  Consider it therapy.  I apologize to my friends who despise this – I’m weak, I tell you!

2.  When my husband moved in he arrogantly announced he was the Perfect Roommate.  When I bought him a shirt designating him as such he wouldn’t wear it.  Perhaps it was my matching shirt designating me The Perfect Roommate’s Roommate.  At my bachelorette party, a small band of ladies joined me for dinner at an excellent restaurant that treated us *very* well (we knew the manager *wink*) and my best friend bought me a shirt designating me The Perfect Groom’s Bride.  I still wear that shirt even though my husband won’t wear his Perfect Groom shirt.  Ever.  I’m glad she got that for me because I’m not sure I’d have the balls to drink beer from a penis.  Pun intended.

3.  When I married my husband I thought I was marrying a good man.  When I became hospitalized during my pregnancy and he didn’t leave my side – I became sure of it.

4.  I love to cook.  And eat.  Everything.  5 years ago no one would have believed that statement.  Everything I cooked came out funny shaped and weird tasting.  I get a tremendous amount of satisfaction out of trying new things and having them come out well.  I’m working on my reaction when they don’t. 😉

5.  I am hopelessly addicted to handheld video games and rescuing Princess Zelda from whatever silly mess she’s gotten herself into recently.

6.  I ride.  Not much but I ride.  I don’t ride because I met a man who rides.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  I think its equal parts maddening and amusing that most people will ask “what does your husband ride?” first.

7.  I blog.  Not much but I blog.  I’m not even sure what I post could be considered ‘blogging’.

8.  It drives me nuts when people can’t spell.  And what’s with using the wrong spelling for a word?  And what’s with the lack of grammar, lately?  Although I can’t (directly) blame the decline of Western Civilization on this it kinda *does* explain why my first graders say “SURE IT DOES” when I ask them if something sounds right to them.

9.  I feel like I missed out (and still do) on a lot of things by moving away from everyone I know at such a key time in my life (wedding, first house, baby).

10.  Those feelings are replaced by the warm reception I got from the new people I met here.  How quickly they welcomed me and how very much they managed to help me and George out when we were in a pickle.  I hope I’m able to convey how much we appreciate it, still, and I hope I can repay them somehow.

11.  I no longer get along with my mother and sometimes I think the only reason I still endure her company is out of a strange sense of responsibility to my son.  If she keeps calling him a ‘little shit’, though (even joking), I might change my opinion of that.

12.  Even though I know it’s disgusting and I hate the way it makes me feel (and the dying someday part kinda sucks, too) – I enjoyed smoking and miss it terribly.  In fact, I have a lot of shoulda/coulda/wouldas but I don’t have a lot of regrets.  Starting smoking is one of them.

13.  Thanks to my Hospital Vacation and my son’s – I think I now have an obsessive compulsion to use hand cream whenever my hands get wet.  I carry a tiny tin of aquaphor and use it quite often.

14.  I not-so-secretly think my son is a genius and I marvel at women who have children and don’t talk about them incessantly.  I’m not sure if I care to know the secrets to your powers of restraint but I bet my friends and co-workers wish I did!

15.  My favorite TV shows right now are CSI, NipTuck and Life on Mars.  I think two of those are jumping the shark as we speak.  Of course, I know the kinda shows I watch and I know it’s funny that I worry they are tanking…

16.  I LOVE reading.  Love it.  I would love to go on and on about the kind of books I like to read and what I thought of the last one and what books I want to read in the future.  It makes me very sad that I don’t have the time I’d like to read and/or the time or opportunity to discuss them. I won’t join a book club because I don’t tend to read the books that “they” read (unless there’s a book club for zombie novels, Armageddon themed short stories or science fiction) and I fear most of the book and book talk would go over my head anyway.

16 and a half.  I’m thrilled to death that G4 brings me books and chooses to sit still to have them read to him.

17.  I’m very sensitive.  I take things too personally and my feelings get hurt easily.   Of course, I sometimes think that I try too hard to compensate and wind up treating people harshly.  Then I overcompensate again and end up feeling like a doormat…or am I just being sensitive?  You see my dilemma.

18.  I am the person they make commercials for.  They are mini comedy shows – are they not?  And how can I possibly live without that gadget??  Mostly, though, I laugh out loud at them and repeat them to my husband often.  Who can keep a straight face at the talking stain commercial?

19.  I love my son.  And my husband.  And it irritates me when my husband says things like “I’ll deal with the baby so you don’t have to” (Funny I don’t hear it that often).  I want him to understand that my baby is not a chore and that I enjoy spending time with him.  But let’s face it – he’s no Gameboy.

20.  I despise when people don’t bring their shopping carts to the corral.  The few times that I could not help doing it myself I’ve felt incredibly guilty.

21.  My grandmother was my best bud.  I miss her terribly and I wish everyone could have met her.  She died right before I got married.  I’m glad that she met George (and liked him).  I wish she could have met G4.  She would have really gotten a kick out of him.

22.  When I was young I was offered the opportunity to learn the piano.  I passed it up and I’ve been kicking myself ever since.

23.  When I was young my grandmother offered to teach me Polish.  I passed it up and I’ve been kicking myself ever since.  Later, MUCH later, I tried to undo that and would harass my Mee Mom until she upped with a Polish word or phrase.  But it was too late.  Years of disuse and a rotten sense of humor led her to only remember the peculiar phrase.  Now I can proudly demand that someone kiss my ass or announce ‘I farted’ in Polish.  Oddly enough – these get used often in my house.

24.  I often pictured myself as the person that would grow up and old having friends pop in and out…having people over for dinner….getting together with friends and having the kids play together (not the connotation that play dates have – that the children are the only ones getting something out of it!)…and I’m very, very disappointed that my life didn’t work out that way.  I often attribute it to moving but how much of it is antisocial?

25.  I’m thoroughly convinced that clinical depression runs in our family….or maybe I just need to exercise.

Lost in Translation

December 11, 2008

I have a student that doesn’t speak English.  Not a bit.  Well – thats not true – he speaks more words in the few months he’s been here than some of my first graders that were born here.  But thats really not saying much.  So between his miming and the ten words that I remember from my 5 years of Spanish class (not including the phrases that I can’t repeat in front of him) we make quite a pair.

One day last week he was playing in the (dirty, filthy, disgusting, powdery) sandbox and suddenly he was in front of me hysterical crying.  After a lot of pointing and some snot and some pointing and some incomprehensible Spanish words and some snot I finally called in my translator.  I love her.

A:  He said he got hit by J.

Me:  Well does he think it was an accident or were they fighting?

A: ….

Me:  Ask him he thinks it coulda been an accident.

A:  …I don’t know how to say ‘accident’ in Spanish…

Me: (frustrated)  Mistake!

A: No, that’s English.


The Nina, The Pinta and the Coast Guard *

November 13, 2008

Yesterday being Veteran’s Day I was “quizzing” my kids on the 5 branches of the Armed Forces:

The Army!

Good!  And what else?

The boats!

Well, its not called ‘boats’ – it starts with an ‘n’…


Good!  The Army, The Navy…

Oooh!  The Santa Maria!

*titled by Sara, my only reader


November 12, 2008

Hello and Welcome
The lawn is dead anyway
The neighbors can go scratch

Please Bring The Potato Salad

September 14, 2008

No page of mine would be complete if I didn’t post this somewhere.  I wrote this a long time ago and its made its rounds.  At the time it was my idea of what a wedding-on-the-cheap should be.  Funny enough – my actual wedding wasn’t too far off the mark.  Beating a horse unto death?  I say neigh, neigh.  Ahem.

You’re Invited to Dawn and Goober’s Wedding….

Please Bring the Potato Salad

 So you want a wedding on a shoestring?

So you want a shoestring wedding?  The decision isn’t an easy one to make.  Still on the fence?  Consider this:  the average wedding costs $30,000.  The average down payment on a house is $30,000.  ‘Nuf said.  

Living with your new spouse is going to be hard enough.  Now imagine having make up sex with your parents in the next room.  

So now you’ve weighed the option of an expensive wedding against living with your mom for the next two years.  Now you have a lot of planning ahead of you…

 Read More




Ya Can’t Make This Stuff Up

August 27, 2008

Day Two and I have one already. 


There are three first grade classes and last year we managed to hold over a whole gaggle of kiddies.  We kept some of the same kids this year and some of them we *just had* to “give away”.  D is one of these children and this year she’s in *my* room.   Today after dismissal I still had 3 or 4 children left with me.  We were standing in the path of the playground so I attempted to gather my students to me: 


“First Graders!  Come stand closer to me, please!”.

D looks around, confused, holds up a finger – gestures to the lot of us and says “This is first grade?!?”

Caterpillar Catapulter

August 23, 2008

I went trolling for monarch caterpillars today so I can bring them into my classroom and drive some lessons with my students.  I always pass this patch of milkweed and thought it to be the ‘motherload’.  There was so much of it in one place and it was fairly accessible without tromping through muck, private property and/or tick-infested grasses.  I found two.  Two.  And when I got back in the car to tell George that I had found ‘just two’ I had to tell him that, to add insult to injury, I had also lost one of them.  

How?  he asked. 

Me:    I was trying to do too much with one hand and the milkweed stalk snapped back.

>George made that sound in his throat that one makes when they are trying not to laugh<

Me:  What?!?

George:  You CATapulted a CATerpillar!  (to the baby) Hey George!  Your mom is a CAterpillar CATapulter!

And he shakes his head at MY jokes!

Because I cruise the internet

August 13, 2008

I notice that spelling is not a priority. 

Now I’m not an EXCELLENT speller – but I care – and I will look something up if it occurs to me that I might spell it wrong.  But sometimes words get away from me.  And grammar.  Like starting a sentence with But or And  (that’s when I invoke poetic license).   Sometimes my typing gets away from me – and I’ll type “there” when I mean “their” and I know it is “their” but my fingers are partial to “there”.  So there.  Or their. 

And I’m only kidding when I say that I can’t eat at a restaurant that puts their misspellings in print.   I think.  But the rant about putting misspellings in print and hanging them up for the world to see from the perceptive of a business owner is a whole other rant.  And I wish I would have saved misspellings on menus and ads when I said I was going to.  Or taken a picture of my favorite awning advertising the sale of “Pet Supiles”.

I’m not talking about the occasional word spelled wrong or a misplaced apostrophe or an uncapitalized word or even the intentional misspelling by Our Nation’s Youth.  I’m not talking about dropping that e when you type the word believe or hanging on to the caps lock for an extra letter resulting in the capitalization of the second letter, too (*I* do this all the time).  What I’m talking about is the rampant misspellings on blogs and message boards.  Careless, constant, frequent.  Using the wrong word in context.  Putting two words together to make a new word – by accident.  

Spelling is not a priority.  And while I don’t think that you should let spelling get in the way of some heart-felt wordage – we can act like we’re at least *trying* – can’t we?

At least the irritated kitty looks different from the rest…wait…I think.

This was actually stolen from myspace – please please forgive me ;)

August 13, 2008